david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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