Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
