I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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