this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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