You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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