he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
