I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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