Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
