I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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