I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
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I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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