Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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