I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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