The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
