i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
