I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize