I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
