The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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