He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
