So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
