I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
