benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
