You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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