Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
