i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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