Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
