When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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