I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
