Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
