Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize