chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Come on in and take your pants off
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