i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
