that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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