Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
