My friends, they love my intelligence
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
