I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
