just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
