just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
