imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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