your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
