I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
