Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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