I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
