If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
