This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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