I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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