yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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