So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
