just come out here and I will go home with you...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
