I wish I could punch you in the face.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
