Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this boner is exhausting
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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