You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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