So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
