Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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