that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
