i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
