My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
