I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
