he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you inspire me to be a worse person
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
