May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
