There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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