I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
