just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize